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I Present To You... Version 2.5 Beta 6 Revision 421a

The fruits of my labor have now been reaped and all may taste the bountiful love of my mad phat PHP skillz. After four weeks, three days, 13 hours and 23 minutes of half-assed, nicotine-aided effort, the "story comments" feature has been implemented. The reason I'm calling this "beta 6 revision 421a" is due to the fact I haven't had any way of testing this shit out. So help me here: comment on stories until your fingers fall off or your keyboard malfunctions. If anything fucks up, yell at me (in the comments section of course) and tell me what's up.

Oh, just a note to all of my former staff: All of your accounts have been deleted. I needed to rebuild the database, and since I don't remember everyone's password (and the db encrypts them) I need everyone to send me their info again (by email).

Vive la!

NSFW: no | Comments: 12 [Post]

Growing Pains And Stretch Marks

God's gift to mankind - Skintight tops and skimpy panties.

Ok, ok, some stuff isn't perfect. I'm continuing to work on ironing out all the little glitches we're finding in the new format. Bear with me. In the meantime, enjoy the bit of eyecandy to your right. Actually, I'm not posting the pic so much as for your enjoyment as I am to test the new layout some more. It was the first piccie I found on my hard drive at the moment. Yes, I stole it from stile's site (jenn, the applying cam chick).

NSFW: no | Comments: 3 [Post]

Jenny Approves Of The New Format

Jenny wants you, anaxis.

After four weeks of anticipation, Jenny M. today shouted for joy when revealed their new layout, with shiny new reader interaction. She was going to jump up and down, but feared for her life after her last battle to get her breasts under control. "I just can't believe how good this looks, and works, and feels, and ohhhhhhh!" Her eyes grew wide and she shuddered as she tried to inconspicuously turn off the apparatus that was run from a wire going inside her jeans. "I mean, just look at it. You open the link below the news story and there you go! Instant interaction. Make love to me, anaxis!"

NSFW: no | Comments: 8 [Post]

Anti-Hermetic Monks Raid K-Mart, News At 11

Vote for anaxified on Stile's Top 50 and vote for us on markside's E/N top 100. Tell your friends to vote. Tell your family to so as well. Tell the people you talk to you on the phone whilst trying to support the shitty software your company sold them. Pray to God so that he might smite down the forces of the mighty polling area and raise anaxified to a glorious spot somewhere in the top ten.

Remember, everyweek those site's counters reset to zero, so every site starts out with no votes on Sunday. Sunday is the stategic moment to go, vote on both sites, then sign off, trash your browsers cookies, resign back on to the net (with a different IP), and revote.

Anyone have any comments or suggestions as to additional features they'd like to see on anaxified? I plan on enabling a rating system for articles (Readers get to rate a story on a scale of 1-10) and a staff survivor contest type bit (Readers can vote staff members off if they suck that bad - i.e receive a rating below 2 on three or four of their articles).

NSFW: no | Comments: 2 [Post]

Let's Get It On!

Today, on an internet forum I hang at, someone posted a link to an account of the life of a 15th century tournament fighter. This gentleman went undefeated his entire life in contests involving jousts, swords, axes, grappling, ect . . . He was the original Pre-American badass. The accounts of combat are very detailed. People keep fighting after taking spikes to the face. To me, it was both educational and entertaining.

My name is Gladiator

NSFW: no | Comments: 4 [Post]

Once Again I Need Bitches!!!

Once again the call is maid. I asked you all many moons ago and no reply was sent. I am not a happy kat today. Soon, oh so soon, we will be starting "Johnykat's Bitch of the Week", and I need bitches!!! I only know so many...and I know a lot of you out there know some bitches. So send them to me. What I am looking for are some serious bitches. So write in and tell me who and why they should make the bitch list. As always bitches with pictures will be considerd first. Because everyone likes bitch pics. Now if its your "ex girlfriend" who you want to be on bitch of the week, then a pic is required, and nude pics are expected. So send Johnykat your bitches..and send them now!!!!

NSFW: no | Comments: 35 [Post]


This is an issue that I was discussing today in school. We were having people speak up about whether or not theyed support the death penalty if it was re-instated in Canada.

I disagree with this for a number of reasons.

Number 1 : It is a very bad example, I mean why kill someone for killing someonelse.

Number 2 : If someone was sentenced to death, wouldnt the executioner be considered a murdurer for killing the accused?

Number 3 : People say its a good thing because a lot of criminals are in jail wasting our tax money. People complain that its costs a lot less to kill someone. But it doesnt. To put someone to death whether its from an electric chair or a lethal injection, you have to go through trial after trial to make sure the person is indeed guilty then you have to pay for the stuff to have them killed, which im guessing costs a whole lot.

Number 4 : What if someone was sentenced to death......then later they were found not guilty? ..........What if it was someone you knew? .....A member

NSFW: no | Comments: 18 [Post]

Welcome back,
New Stories:
New Comments:

Open Anaxified Remote

To Breast Or Not To Breast by LatexMantus.

theprez wondered, "You find some of the weirdest shit. The dog's chin looks like a fukkin scrotum full of nuts."
[Full Story]

Get a weeks worth of random crap right here!

Warning: Randomly generated content may not be safe for work.

I Present To You... Version 2.5 Beta 6 Revision 421a
[12 posts]
Jenny Approves Of The New Format
[8 posts]
Growing Pains And Stretch Marks
[3 posts]
Anti-Hermetic Monks Raid K-Mart, News At 11
[2 posts]
Let's Get It On!
[4 posts]
Once Again I Need Bitches!!!
[35 posts]
[18 posts]
Today Is "Dirty Limerick Day"
[4 posts]
Happy Dirty Limerick Day!!!
[4 posts]

Dear Gipple,
Well it is that time of year again. Halloween is just a couple of days away. Here is my problem. My girlfriend and I are going to a party on Halloween. The other day she decided to show me her costume. Imagine my suprise when she came into the room wearing nothing but a pair of knee high boots. I asked her what the kind of costume that was, and she simply replied that she was going to the party as "puss-in-boots". Now I don't know what to do. I've got to think of a costume so crazy that it will take attention from men oogling my girlfriend all night. What do you recommend Gipple?
Costumeless Carl in Carlsbad

Dear Carl,
First off, nothing you can will stop the men from looking. Chances are you are a pimple faced little turd who asked her to move in with you after the first date. So she is probably better off with one of those other guys any way. Secondly, based on the fact that your woman walked into the room wearing nothing but boots and the only thing you could think of to do was ask her what kind of costume that was leads me to believe that you my friend are a closet case ass pirate. Maybe you should just hookup your slutty girlfriend with some guy nicknamed "banana-hands" at the party, and then go find some man meat of your own. Now to your question. You need to think to yourself...WWGD. What would Gipple do. And let me tell you what Gipple would do. Listen close, you might learn something. Go to the store, and buy yourself a large bakers potato. Come home, and and drill a hole down the center of the potato. Now taked the cored out spud, and gently slide it over your "unit". Given the text of your question, I am guessing you should probably drill a pretty small hole. Now, when your woman sees that and asks what you are supposed to be, tell her you are going as a dictator. And never fear, is this makes your woman so angry that she does leave the party with old "banana-hands", atleast your costume should help you land that emotinaly charged stud bull you and I know you have always been looking. As always,

Submit questions or pleas for advice here.