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| Top 5 All Time Greatest Answering Machine Recordings Ever | | 1. Hi, you've reached the Kacyzinski's. Please leave your name and adress and we'll send you and your family a letter bomb as soon as possible. Thanks! *beep* | | 2. *enter harpsicord music* Mwello, you have reached the veiled domain of Master Zorax Crux and Mistress Plum. To speak to one of us, press 1. To speak to Tim-Tim, the unicycling monkey, press 2 and to hear the Crux's automated book of sadness, press 3. *exit harpsicord music* *beep* | | 3. Hello... Hello? Why won't someone answer me? Why did you call my house? Please talk to me, I'm soo very lonely. If you don't talk to me, I'll track you down and shoot you. I'll shoot you with a gun. Because that's what I shoot people with. And another thing, I have a bleeding *beep* | | 4. Thank you for calling the West High Math dept. To press 1 press 2, to press 2 press 6, to press 6 press 4, to press 4 press #003-154.6 Thank you for your call *beep* | | 5. You have reached Slovenia. If an angry army hasn't pilliaged your town and raped the youth with in two weeks press 1, if you have a complaint, press 2. Someone should be by to kill you and exile your corpse to Sibera shortly. If you have noticed a runned down extermination camp or death facility, press 3. All other comments will be burned and thrown into a ditch. *beep* | Don't agree? Go vote, comment or view other Top 5 lists.
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Dear Gipple,
Well it is that time of year again. Halloween is just a couple of days away. Here is my problem. My girlfriend and I are going to a party on Halloween. The other day she decided to show me her costume. Imagine my suprise when she came into the room wearing nothing but a pair of knee high boots. I asked her what the kind of costume that was, and she simply replied that she was going to the party as "puss-in-boots". Now I don't know what to do. I've got to think of a costume so crazy that it will take attention from men oogling my girlfriend all night. What do you recommend Gipple?
Signed,
Costumeless Carl in Carlsbad
Dear Carl,
First off, nothing you can will stop the men from looking. Chances are you are a pimple faced little turd who asked her to move in with you after the first date. So she is probably better off with one of those other guys any way.
Secondly, based on the fact that your woman walked into the room wearing nothing but boots and the only thing you could think of to do was ask her what kind of costume that was leads me to believe that you my friend are a closet case ass pirate. Maybe you should just hookup your slutty girlfriend with some guy nicknamed "banana-hands" at the party, and then go find some man meat of your own.
Now to your question. You need to think to yourself...WWGD. What would Gipple do. And let me tell you what Gipple would do. Listen close, you might learn something. Go to the store, and buy yourself a large bakers potato. Come home, and and drill a hole down the center of the potato. Now taked the cored out spud, and gently slide it over your "unit". Given the text of your question, I am guessing you should probably drill a pretty small hole. Now, when your woman sees that and asks what you are supposed to be, tell her you are going as a dictator. And never fear, is this makes your woman so angry that she does leave the party with old "banana-hands", atleast your costume should help you land that emotinaly charged stud bull you and I know you have always been looking.
As always,
Gipple
Submit questions or pleas for advice here.
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